you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
