Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
