Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
