This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
