Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
