Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
