Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
