I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
