Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
