i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
