But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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