Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
