I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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