I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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