Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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