i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
