I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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