Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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