nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
