I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
