fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
