Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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