nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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