what day is it and did you see me today?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
