um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
