alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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