I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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