he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
