So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
