What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
