So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
