Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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