if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
