omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
