I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
