Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize