I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
