My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
