Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize