You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
