Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
