areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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