I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize