I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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