So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
