I think my fart just growled at me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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