my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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