You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
