if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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