I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
