I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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