I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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