Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
