Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
