I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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