census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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