according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
