Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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