It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
