wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
