Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
