I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
