i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
