You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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