he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
