Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
